by a Modest Member of Parliament [Bert Kelly],
“Getting the Ord River into the hit parade,”
The Australian Financial Review, March 26, 1970, p. 3.
Reprinted in Economics Made Easy (Adelaide: Brolga Books, 1982), pp. 16-17, as “The Ord Dam.”

Last week I got into trouble with old Eccles because I became enthusiastic about irrigation schemes in general. He lectured me severely then, and has been at it ever since, but has been concentrating particularly on the Ord River dam, which seems to infuriate him, for some reason.

I remember when the government decided to give Western Australia the green light to go ahead with the big dam on the Ord, how my bosom swelled with pride to think that I was associated with such a splendid project. I remember too, that I made some particularly stirring speeches which were particularly well received in the cities, but with a notable lack of enthusiasm in the country.

I have noticed before this tendency for people in the cities to be enthusiastic about land development and other problems they know nothing about. For instance, the worthy citizens of Melbourne are always giving tongue about kangaroos, or problems associated with aborigines or northern development. In fact, ignorance of the subject seems a positive advantage, as you can then let the imagination and tongue run free.

But Fred the farmer, and others of his ilk, received the news that we were going to spend a lot of money on the Ord dam with irritation, and muttered something about the decision being activated by base political motives, whatever that may mean.

They could not see why, as taxpayers, they should be dobbing in their hard-earned dough at the rate of about $300 for every irrigated acre in order to grow cotton that was only profitable if subsidised. I thought that this was rather a mean, petty attitude to take and gave them a burst about developing Australia, and the defence of “this great country of ours” and so on. But Fred the farmer and his friends said that they had heard all this before and asked me to have a talk with Eccles.

I did this. I asked him why it was that cotton-growing on the Ord has been so disappointing compared to cotton-growing on the Namoi River in New South Wales. Eccles said that the Ord is a tropical area, and hosts of pests that plague cotton grow naturally all round the cotton crops. This means that the cost of insect and disease control in the Ord area is more than in non-tropical areas where the pests and diseases do not have this natural advantage. He pointed out that the big expansion in the world’s cotton acreage was in the arid irrigated areas. The cheapest cotton in the U.S.A. is not now grown in the deep South, but in the arid areas of California. In fact, the keep cotton-growing alive in the Deep South, the U.S.A. government has made it impossible for the Californians to grow more than a limited quota of cotton. And what’s more, it was this restriction on the Californian grower that drove him to the Namoi area in Australia.

I then asked Eccles about the other crops. According to him, we could grow sugar there by there doesn’t seem much sense in growing more sugar when we have difficulty in selling what we have. People were optimistic for a while about growing sorghum, but no one in Australia has yet demonstrated that they could make money growing irrigated grain sorghum on a large scale.

“But what about irrigated pasture?” I asked. Eccles says that no one in Australia has yet been able to demonstrate that you can fatten cattle on irrigated tropical pastures and make money. If you are not interested in making money, well and good. “But speaking as an economist,” he complained, “I can’t see much sense in setting up a great big scheme to lose money.”

I have a brainwave. When the big dam is opened, we ought to make a recording of the splendid speeches that will be made at the opening ceremony, and we could sell the records to people in the cities. They ought to be worth quite a lot.
_____
Appendix for Economics.org.au readers
That last paragraph was inexplicably excluded from its Economics Made Easy republication, for what that’s worth. Anyway, another nice Australian mocking of speechifying is: A politician tells his wife what he wants for dinner — L.W. Lower, “Oh, for a Gold Pass … sighs Lower!,” The Australian Women’s Weekly, December 2, 1933, p. 9.

Last but not least, in another Lennie Lower report — “Why Not Jazz Up Elections?,” The Australian Women’s Weekly, October 23, 1937, p. 13 —, although no mention is made of the Ord River song, a politician is quoted saying, “Well, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve heard my views on defence, so I will now sing, ‘Way Down Upon the Swanee River,’ before continuing on the shorter working week.”