A Modest Member of Parliament [Bert Kelly], “If you want to be loved, go to Tasmania,” The Australian Financial Review, August 27, 1976, p. 6.

Fred is in one of his really nasty moods. I know that he is having a lousy season and his farm costs are escalating alarmingly, but these problems alone are not enough to explain his bad temper.

It hasn’t been easy to pinpoint his problem but after much clever footwork I have unearthed the fact that he has heard of the exceptionally generous treatment that Tasmania is receiving from the Federal Government, and he cannot understand why the rest of the country cannot be treated with the same splendid open-handed generosity.

“What is wrong with you,” he growled, “those Tasmanian members succeed in bleeding the rest of the country white in order to get particular advantages for their State, while all we get from you is a lecture on economy? It’s about time we got a Member of Parliament who gets results like those Tasmanians do.”

Knowing Eccles as I do, I have no doubt that it was he who fed all this information to Fred.

Evidently his mean little economist’s mind has been brooding on the way Australia’s limited resources have been frittered away in Tasmania, but instead of being man enough to complain to me directly, he has evidently been telling tales to Fred so that he will clobber me.

When Fred totted up all the special advantages that Tasmania has received from the Federal Government it did indeed seem as though they had been receiving special attention.

Fred says that the special shipping freight subsidy is costing the the rest of Australia about $20 million a year in order to equalise the Tasmanian freight costs to what they would have been if Tasmania had not been an island.

As there are about 400,000 people in Tasmania this is costing us about $50 for each Tasmanian to do this.

Then Fred says (and Eccles must have told him this), that Tasmania is receiving especially generous treatment for welfare housing, receiving $59 a head compared with the average $28 per head for the rest of Australia.

Then the Commonwealth is picking up the tab not only for the repair of the wrecked bridge in Hobart of $23.7 million up to June 30, 1976. (The estimated cost for the last financial year was $16 million.) This includes widening of the bridge for an extra lane.

And evidently we are committed to the provision of a second bridge at Hobart well before the Bureau of Economics says that one is justified and this is going to cost us $650,000 for design investigations this financial year.

Then Fred trotted out a table which I am quite sure that Eccles must have fed him because it is not the kind of light reading in which Fred indulges.

For the last financial year, the amount of money paid by the Commonwealth per person in each State is set out below.

It shows that Tasmania will receive $1,018.35 per head compared to NSW $573.98 and $642.54 for all Australia.

New South Wales $573.98
Victoria $580.16
Queensland $672.86
South Australia $786.16
Western Australia $790.79
Tasmania $1,018.35
Australia $642.54

When Fred stopped for breath, I said, in a lame way, that Tasmanians deserved this featherbed treatment because they lived on an island, and so were not industrialised, like Sydney and Melbourne.

“The lucky sods,” was Fred’s comment, “only fools would want to live like those poor people in Sydney and Melbourne with smog, traffic jams all the time and criminals everywhere. It’s the poor denizens of these poor benighted cities who should receive extra, not the lucky people who live graciously and peacefully in bland, lovely Tasmania.”

I could see that I wasn’t getting anywhere with Fred so I tried another tack and said that Tasmanians deserved extra because they were so decent.

“What’s wrong with me, aren’t I decent too,” said Fred loudly? You just wait until the next election, you’ll see who’s decent!”

I wish I hadn’t said that.

But there must be some other explanation that I can give Fred. If Fred’s facts are correct Tasmania is getting extremely favoured treatment.

And if it is, can it be just because she has better Members of Parliament than the rest of the country? Or has she some hidden virtues?

But of one thing I am certain. Tasmanians must love us, because we are treating them so generously. If I went to Tasmania I would be hailed as a great benefactor.

I must try it one day. It would be nice to be loved by someone.