John Singleton, True Confessions (Stanmore: Cassell Australia, 1979), pp. 65-67, the chapter titled “Talking of Government Stupidities”.

Christ knows it’s bad enough the bloody government of this country ripping off most of the money we earn to fund their ridiculous schemes which everyone knows will never work. (See my Rip Van Australia.) Most of us are so bloody stupid and/or apathetic we don’t even give a stuff any more. Most of us walk around mumbling about “in the common good” and “in the public interest” and we mumble so much we start to believe it without realising that no such thing as “the common good” can ever exist.

But sometimes things happen that really ought to make anyone (everyone?) think about the craziness that allows us to allow government to spend our money in the ways they do.

E.g. Once, our finance director wanted another accountant. Now he knows, and I know, and you probably know, that adding up and taking away can be equally performed by the male or female or mixture of the species.

But I also know that in our agency they were about 60 people and about 45 of them were ladies and 15 guys. This made our annual party and Friday night piss-ups somewhat of a lopsided affair, and therefore it was studiously decided, without any thought whatsoever, that we would run the ad for our accountant in the Men and Boys section of the Sydney Morning Herald.

You probably think this is all pretty boring, which it is, but not to the New South Wales Committee of Discrimination and Employment and Occupation.

These people spent your money and mine going through the Sydney Morning Herald and writing to our finance director (“Dear madam or sir”) drawing our attention to the advertisement. The letter pointed out (you really should force yourself to read the next two paragraphs because there are another five just like them and it’s your money that’s paying for them and unless we start to get angry it’s going to get worse) that:

Early in 1973 the Australian Government received the agreement and support of all State Governments, major employer organisations and trade unions to the ratifications of International Labour Organisation Convention No. 111 — Discrimination (employment and occupation) — a basic human rights convention. The convention provides for the removal of discrimination in employment and occupation particularly on the basis of race, colour, sex, religion, political opinion, national extraction and social origin.

Following the ratification of the convention, committees of discrimination in employment and occupation were established at a national level and in every state. The state committees, on which are members nominated by the Australian Council of Employers Federation, the Australian Council of Trade Unions, State and Australian Governments, have primary responsibilities to investigate complaints of discrimination in employment and occupation, and to assist in conducting a campaign to increase community awareness of the injustice of discrimination …

etc. etc.

For three bloody pages.

So there we have the Australian Government with the support of all state governments sending our finance guy this terrific letter and also sending a terrific booklet about acceptable and unacceptable ads.

No longer can we decide whether we want men or women. No longer can we decide whether or not we like or dislike people of any given race.

Like, I personally couldn’t give a stuff whether people were black, blue, brindle or where they come from or where they’re going. But if someone, say a Jewish person, doesn’t want to employ, say an Australian, because the last 25 Aussies he has employed haven’t bothered to lob, surely that is his right. Like it is his money. And Australians have become a race of bludgers.

The expensive brochure asks us to “use words which have no gender” and don’t use a photograph of “only a male or female in your advertisements”. And just in case the first brochure doesn’t get you, they send you a second one which repeats exactly the same thing. And there are offices of this terrific committee in every state.

Now, the repercussions of all this are mindbending. Men will no longer be able to prefer female secretaries as the female secretaries will be too busy laying the bricks of the MLC Centre. First names will disappear as the sexist issue grows. Everyone will be called “mate”. We will all dress the same. Our hair will all be cut the same length. Our tits and pricks will be cut off and flushed away lest they remind us of some dark distant past and then one day there really won’t be any differences between men and women because there will not be either. No men. No women.

Which should help the unemployment position.

[Note to Economics.org.au readers: This chapter of True Confessions was titled “Talking of Government Stupidities”; the previous chapter, titled “Some of the Joys of Running a Business”, is republished at the end of here.]