Bert Kelly, The Bulletin, March 19, 1985, p. 98.

Eccles has been nagging me for weeks to write a series of articles about taxes.

He says that, with the taxation summit conference looming in July, I should first try to clarify my thinking (with his help, of course) and then I could instruct everyone else.

I protested that I could not manage the arithmetic necessary to tackle tax reform but Eccles brushed this excuse aside by muttering sourly that he hadn’t noticed my ignorance being a barrier to my eloquence on other occasions. However, I was able to fend him off; taxation was put aside.

Then occurred what I am sure Eccles regards as a sort of divine intervention. A reader of this column wrote telling me how he recently had heard a powerful sermon linking the name Eccles with Ecclesiastes, the book in The Bible. I foolishly showed the letter to Eccles who then hurried home to study what the good book said.

He looked very grave when he returned, admitting he had always suspected he was somewhat out of the ordinary and that he was not entirely surprised to learn Eccles was regarded as a powerful preacher whose duty it was to make the crooked straight and the rough places plain. He said sombrely:

Just listen to this, Bert. The second verse in the very first chapter says, “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, all is vanity.” Haven’t I been saying that for years?

I am afraid the trouble we had with Eccles will be nothing to what lies ahead now he is convinced it is his grave responsibility to put the world right. When I tried to take evasive inaction about taxation, he immediately started quoting from chapter three:

“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven; a time to be born and a time to die: a time to plant and a time to pluck out that which is planted.” Now is the hour, Bert, strike while the iron is hot, gird up your loins and smite the Midianites hip and thigh.

Then he realised that a collar and tie was the wrong rig-out for prophesying and hurried off to get his tailor to knock up something in rough sackcloth. I said I would supply the ashes.

Eccles can go rending his raiment as much as he likes but I flatly refuse to write about different ways of raising more tax money.

I am prepared to recommend ways of saving money so government can raise less taxes.

I want the commonwealth to allow the states to collect their own income tax because, if they had the odium of raising their own money, they would not slosh it about as they do.

I learned this lesson early in my political life. Our premier, Tom Playford (as he was then), was always thundering about the wickedness of the commonwealth for not returning our taxing power which they had pinched from us during the war.

I approached the great man and informed him that he could count on me for support.

This seemed to startle him and he quickly looked around to see we were unobserved, then he hurriedly ushered me into his room and locked the door. He said:

Thank you for the offer, Bert, but I would rather things stayed as they are. I know I make powerful speeches condemning the present system but, really, it rather suits me. The commonwealth gets the odium of raising the money and I get the credit for spending it and, any time we are not getting enough, I go to the Advertiser (newspaper) and they twist the commonwealth’s tail until I get more. The sympathies of South Australians are always for their poor little state and against the big, powerful commonwealth. So please don’t help me too much, Bert.

Playford was meticulous in the way he spent the money he wrung from the commonwealth but this method of conducting our state/commonwealth financial affairs certainly encourages the states to spend money carelessly.

When I die, I hope people will remember me by the proverb: “You can always tell a man who is dining out on an expense account by the enthusiasm with which he summons the waiter.”

The states are profligate with the expenditure because they do not have to raise their own income tax, as once they did. After the war, they made powerful speeches demanding their taxing powers back while hoping that no one was taking them seriously.

A verse went the rounds, with the state officers speaking:

We thank you for the offer of the cow
But we can’t milk, so we answer now.
We answer with a loud emphatic chorus,
You keep the cow and do the milking for us!