Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert Kelly, The Australian Financial Review, February 24, 1978, p. 3.

Fred and his friends asked me last week for inside information as to how they should handle their member of Parliament, to make him face up to the tariff issue and to the damage that tariffs are doing to farmers.

In other words, they want me to tell them how to twist politicians’ ears in the same way as we used to twist the ear of a rough horse so that it would stand quietly and not get away.

Let’s assume that your member has accepted an invitation from the branch of your political party to be the guest speaker on tariffs at the annual meeting.

It is no good going for his ear as soon as he gets inside the hall. After all, he may be a dedicated and knowledgeable low tariff man who knows far more about the subject than you do.

There are not many of these about, but this is all the more reason why you should cherish them.

Or he may be a high tariff man or simply one who cannot make up his mind.

Most of the members who represent country constituencies seem to be in the latter category.

When the annual meeting starts, make sure you do all you can to help the chairman get quickly through the formalities so that they do not exhaust the time and patience available for the main part of the meeting.

I remember that at one such meeting there were some in the audience that I knew wanted to have a piece of me for some reason.

I listened to the chairman flog the unwilling meeting along, trying to get the formal part over so that my critics could get at me.

But all I had to do was to question the propriety of some action and they argued over this bone for half an hour, so that by the time the annual meeting part was finished it was time to go home.

So make sure you help the chairman by quickly nominating people for positions. You yourself may even end up as secretary and, if so, it serves you right.

When the formal proceedings are finished, and the member is introduced, don’t go for his ear straight away. As I said before, he may be a low tariff advocate and such treatment would upset him.

But let’s assume that he is one of the undecided members who can’t make up his mind or perhaps he wants to have a bit both ways or is determined to keep in the good graces of the Prime Minister.

Even if he is one of these, still don’t rag his ear just yet — if you do, the audience will start to feel sorry for him.

So clap like blazes when he is introduced and “hear, hear” loudly if he says something nice which he is sure to do, he being a member of Parliament.

Wait your chance until question time comes round.

Then it is most important that you do not spoil things by asking long and confused questions.

Most of these are asked in order to impress the audience as to how much the questioner knows, not to acquire information.

If you ask a complicated question, a clever member will beat about that bush for half an hour or so.

He will know that there is nothing in the bush, but that won’t worry him; he will only be interested in the time ticking away.

Members of Parliament may be a bit simple, but they get lessons each question time from ministers on how to evade answering questions they find awkward.

So have your gang armed with a series of short, snappy questions such as: “Is it a fact tariffs are subsidies paid, in the end, by exporters?”

Or another question could be: “Is it a fact that the tariff burden weighs about $4,000 million, with about half of this paid by farmers?”

I always used to hate questions that began with “is it a fact?” They were usually asked by strong, silent, raw-boned people and were difficult to evade.

It is when the member starts answering simple questions that you will find if he is for you or against you. If the latter, then you must go for his ear immediately.

And he will leave you for dead unless you hang on. When he starts to shuffle sideways, appeal loudly to the chairman.

And train up some of your supporters to take points of order or to interject rudely if the speaker starts to dodge the issue.

Such behaviour will be frowned on by sections of the audience, but this is the only way you will make a smart politician face up to an issue he wants to avoid.

Get a good grip of his ear, twist it tight and hang on. Once the beggar’s feet start to go, you will never see which way he went.

And get the chairman to ask you to move the vote of thanks.

Then you can get in a few nasty and shrewd blows when the member isn’t looking and can’t reply.

This may not be a nice way to behave, but the tariff situation is too serious to worry about being nice.

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
  126. Perish the thawed!
  127. Modest Farmer sees his ideas take hold
  128. Max Newton: Maverick in Exile
  129. Why no-one nails the Big Green Lie
  130. A case for ministerial inertia
  131. Why politicians don't like the truth
  132. Ominous dark clouds are gathering
  133. Better to be popular than right
  134. Crying in the wilderness
  135. Ivory tower needs thumping
  136. Bert Kelly asks, "How can you believe in free enterprise and government intervention at the same time?"
  137. Rural Problems
  138. Unholy state of taxation
  139. Boring economics worth a smile
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