Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert Kelly, The Australian Financial Review, December 23, 1977, p. 3.

After my defeat at the election, the next notable event was the declaration of the poll, at which I fondly hoped that large numbers of my previous supporters would give me a rousing and fond farewell.

So I prepared a powerful statement explaining why I was defeated and blaming it all on Eccles.

But only the winning candidate, the returning officer, and a few tired and indifferent onlookers who happened to be wandering by, made up the apathetic audience so it was rather an anti-climax.

I am beginning to realise that, in politics, one day you are a Black Orpington rooster and the next you are a feather duster.

The next sad thing I had to do was to clean out my office.

Over the years I have clung fiercely to anything I have ever said or done in the pathetic hope that eager historians who were clamouring to write my life story would have a large and deep well of wisdom and experience on which to draw.

But when I started to browse through my pearls of wisdom I was saddened to find that they were dull beyond belief.

I hoped that Mavis would like to keep my papers to pore over on winter evenings, but she made it clear that she would be far too busy watching TV, making up for the waste years she had been forced to listen to Parliament.

She was adamant that she didn’t want any of my old rubbish for the mice to nest in.

And she had the same unkind comments to make about the bound Hansard volumes, all proudly embossed with my name.

“We just haven’t got room for them, dear,” she said plaintively.

“I know that they would look imposing and would make Mrs Jones jealous, but no one would ever look at them from inside. Offer them to Fred; he might want them for some queer reason.”

But Fred said that the only use he could find for the volumes was to build them into an outhouse.

“And they would feel very much at home there,” he said sourly.

So it was all very sad because I just couldn’t bring myself to burn them or throw them out in the street.

Then one of my colleagues who had retired before me, told me to ring the Commonwealth archives which might be interested.

I did this rather diffidently and I was surprised to find that they seemed quite excited and they immediately sent a big truck around and a couple of strong men to cart all my papers away.

This pleased me immensely that my true value to posterity had at least been recognised.

But one of the workmen spoilt my pleasure by explaining that the archives seemed to be interested in almost anything, however trivial.

“Even this stuff,” he said in a puzzled tone.

When I told Fred about this later, he said that they must have a winnowing machine which they used to find the few grains of wisdom in all that chaff.

The archives cherish the queerest things. They catalogue the more important documents so that they can be quickly retrieved if they are wanted by me while I am alive or by my family when I am dead.

But they want them so that historians in 50 years time can find out what problems occupied the time of members of Parliament in the 1970s.

And when they found I had been keeping a diary since I had been in Parliament, they became very interested and asked to see some of it.

I felt ashamed because it is really a mass of trivia, though I admit that there are some interesting passages, such as why I voted as I did at leadership contests and there are some rather frank comments about people.

I find it dull beyond belief, but not so the archives people, who said that they couldn’t wait for me to die.

When I told Mavis about this she suggested that I should have demanded a State funeral as a reward.

It’s funny how she always comes back to the State funeral. If I could get one, her cup of happiness would really run over.

There will be many other retired members who will be wondering what to do with their documents.

I can commend the archives as a willing and competent organisation.

I have been spoilt for so long by having a competent secretary who keeps everything in immaculate order, and I know that, without her, everything would get into the most awful mess.

So I was glad to hand the whole lot over. The archives will have the worry of sorting it out and caring for it.

I strongly urge all members to keep a diary. It is so easy to pick your portable dictaphone up and tell it what happened in that day’s party meeting and so on.

It will seem pretty dull to you both now and later, but it will breathe life into the history of what will be written in 50 years’ time. And it will give you a delayed opportunity to get even with a few sods!

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
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