Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert Kelly, September 3, 1981. Economics Made Easy (Adelaide: Brolga Books, 1982), pp. 206-08, as “Charabanc (c)”.

Last week we left the Australian Car Industry charabanc coasting along, with all its occupants arguing furiously with one another. We didn’t seem to be getting anywhere either, I think we were mostly travelling in circles.

There was a nasty incident when the G.M.H. driver in the front seat became angry because he seemed to think that he might not be allowed to reach his “world car” destination. He called back angrily to Sir Phillip Lynch, saying that if he did not get what he wanted, he would get out and go home. I presume that this was meant more as a threat than a promise but it was received with glad acclaim by almost everyone, particularly by the four other drivers in the front seat. The G.M.H. man, a bulky bloke, took up so much room, the others hoped he would indeed go home and so leave them more room for their elbows.

We met a lot of people as we went along. Some were glad to see us, others threw stones. Then Fred the farmer flagged us down. He was having trouble with his bike. When he found out who we were he turned quite nasty. He said he had three weighty reasons for hating the car industry. First, he had more need of a car than city slickers because he lived twenty miles from the nearest town and so had to travel further and over rough roads too, so his car wore out quicker than a city person’s car. Secondly, because he had been listening to Eccles, he knew that the burden for protecting all industries, cars, sheets, the whole lot, was carried by exporters in the end. And as he is an exporter, he resents having to carry his share of the $6000 million annual cost of the Australian tariff. But what made him even madder was the knowledge that any barrier to imports, such as a tariff against cars, pushed our exchange rate even higher, so making the position of exporting farmers more difficult. I can see now why Fred hates the car industry as he does.

I would have thought that this recital of Fred’s woes would have filled everyone with remorse but only the car users seemed to care. The Victorian and S.A. ministers turned nasty and said that Fred had no right to an opinion of his own and there weren’t many of him anyway, and would he please get out of the way before he was run over.

One of the older car users, the one with the water bag, muttered that, if that was the treatment being dished out to farmers by young Liberal minister, then he was going to his Country Party M.P. back home. But a younger car user from Canberra explained to the nice old chap that the Country Party no longer cared much about farmers and that was why they wanted to change their name to the National Party.

Anyway, we left poor Fred patching his bike and on we went. The next man to stop us was Chris Hurford, the Labor Party spokesman on these matters. He mopped his patrician brow, then volunteered to get in the back seat and help Sir Phillip drive. He also asked us to employ a friend of his, Con Sensus I think was his name. Evidently he is some kind of consultant.

There was some discussion about whether we should let Mr Hurford get in but they finally decided against it. Too many had been in the industry when the Labor Party were driving it and they didn’t want to go through that mangle again. A car owner, who was beginning to take a jaundiced of the outing said sourly, “Surely everyone now knows that the government couldn’t even run a beer-up in a brewery.” This attitude saddened the Victorian and S.A. ministers who had once been Liberals. This didn’t seem to worry Sir Phillip much. I think he may have been asleep at the time.

So we left Mr Hurford behind and continued on our way. We came to some desert country and out of the bushes came a gaunt figure clothed in sackcloth and ashes. He stood in front of us intoning, “Make straight the way of the Lord! Follow the steep and narrow path of economic righteousness” as he pointed to a steep and fairly rough path up the hill. (He was evidently one of the I.A.C. commissioners). As the charabanc was only built to go down hill, this advice was not very welcome, though the car users said that it was the only sensible statement they had heard all day. They were all for giving the gentleman a lift in the hope he could talk sense to others.

After a lot of muttering, the others agreed to this. When the got the poor man aboard, they began to torture him by sticking pins in him and hitting him with their coshes. The car users were furious but no one worried what they thought. The others kept torturing the poor commissioner because he had the nerve to tell them what they did not want to hear. I thought Sir Phillip would be cross about this but he didn’t seem to care, he just sat there scratching himself. People say he is very wise and brave so I guess he is about to do something soon.

Just as a I thought this, Mavis threw her bucket of water over me. She should have done it before.

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
  126. Perish the thawed!
  127. Modest Farmer sees his ideas take hold
  128. Max Newton: Maverick in Exile
  129. Why no-one nails the Big Green Lie
  130. A case for ministerial inertia
  131. Why politicians don't like the truth
  132. Ominous dark clouds are gathering
  133. Better to be popular than right
  134. Crying in the wilderness
  135. Ivory tower needs thumping
  136. Bert Kelly asks, "How can you believe in free enterprise and government intervention at the same time?"
  137. Rural Problems
  138. Unholy state of taxation
  139. Boring economics worth a smile
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