Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

The Hon. C. R. “Bert” KellyOne More Nail (Adelaide: Brolga Books, 1978), “Introduction,” pp. xi-xiii; also republished in Kelly’s Economics Made Easy (Adelaide: Brolga Books, 1982), pp. 95-98, where its original publication is dated 16 June, 1978.

I keep having a vision, but Eccles says it is really a nightmare.

In it I am still a Member of Parliament and I, with other MPs, accompany our ruler, King Mal, to the beach where he sits on his throne stopping the tides coming in and going out. On the last occasion, his task was to stop the employment tide in the textile, clothing and footwear industry from going out.

When the announcement was made as to which tide the King was stopping this time, a whole retinue set off for the beach. Lesser back benchers had the honour of carrying the throne.

Then came the cabinet courtiers who formed a sold phalanx around his majesty, guarding him against people who might tell him things he wouldn’t want to hear. Then came the grave and responsible civil servants.

They kept two paces to the rear, and wore pinstripe suits and expressions of heavy responsibility. Then came the SS brigade. At first I thought these were a security force to protect the good and great, but I was told the SS stood for “smart sods” and that they were there to make certain that other smart sods did not snitch their import quotas.

I noticed that the SS were particularly attentive to the civil servants who are the people who actually allocate the quotas. They clearly did not hold Members of Parliament in high regard and were only distantly respectful to the cabinet courtiers, but they clearly fawned on the civil servants.

And they continually expressed their gratitude for past favours, which I thought was very generous until Eccles reminded me that gratitude can be regarded as a lively sense of favours to come.

When we reached the beach we put the throne down with proper reverence and we all gathered round, with the distance from the throne being in accordance with our station in life. The cabinet courtiers were closest, then the civil servants sitting on little camp stools that the SS people had brought for them. The back benchers were next and then the SS. They weren’t worried about their position in life as long as no one pinched their quotas.

Before the ceremony began, there was a performance by some of the natives of the district. There were from the ACAM (Australian Confederation of Apparel Manufacturers) tribe and they danced on the beach, and turned head over heels and that kind of thing. They made queer threatening noises and beat their breasts and their drums.

Then the ceremony got under way. First, King Mal stood on his throne and at the top of his voice shouted advice across the seas about the wicked way other countries erected barriers against our trade. I am uncertain whether there were any answers because the winds of change were blowing strongly and the breakers were booming. I thought I heard a mocking reply about our own barriers but, if this were so, the cabinet courtiers made sure the King did not hear it.

Then the King took his seat on his throne, drew his cloak of authority around him and told us how he was going to stop the ebbing tide of employment in the textile, clothing and footwear industries and that this wasn’t going to be easy as some manufacturers were wickedly using labour saving machinery.

Then he asked one of the IAC staff to mark on the legs of the throne the level of employment in those industries and we were to watch the employment rise as the measures he had instituted took effect. So we settled back with quiet confidence and for a little while this seemed justified because the tide did indeed start to come in a little.

Then the water started to creep down the legs of the throne instead of up, but when the man marked this he was taken away and beheaded which is the way of emperors.

But still the employment tide sneaked out. Some of us knew that this was because the demand for clothing and footwear was falling because they cost too much, so people were making their own clothes or making do with less. But none of us were brave enough to tell the King this after what had happened to the last bearer of bad news.

But everyone noticed that the employment tide was not doing what it was told. You only had to look at the level of the legs of the throne to see that.

Then the King explained that life wasn’t meant to be easy and the tide would behave properly soon. Then a very brave person brought him a message on a piece of paper. The King read it, and then announced that he had a very important engagement overseas and disappeared in a blaze of glory.

Someone found the piece of paper that had made the King so cross. It was a table showing how employment in these industries had obeyed the law of supply and demand and not the King’s commands. I suppose the next thing will be to rescind the law of supply and demand.

Date | People employed in textiles | People employed in clothing, footwear
March 1973 …………… 53 300 ……………108 900
March 1974 …………… 54 200 ……………110 200
March 1975 …………… 40 300 …………… 86 500
March 1976 …………… 44 500 …………… 92 300
March 1977 …………… 38 900 …………… 82 900
March 1978 …………… 36 700 …………… 79 700

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
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