Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert Kelly, “Are whales cruel to kill krill?”
The Bulletin, April 7, 1981, p. 108.

A few months ago I satirised the activities of the animal libbers and I certainly got myself into hot water. This did not surprise me because, years ago, when the whale libbers were on the warpath, I tried to form “The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill.” My logic was impeccable: if whales were left to breed unhindered, they would roam the seas chomping up great mouthfuls of krill. I asked querulously: “How do you know that krill don’t hate being gobbled up while they are still alive and kicking any more than whales hate being harpooned?” I didn’t get any answers, only abuse!

Eccles says that giving humans attributes to animals is called “anthropomorphism” which is one of the longest words I have ever seen. But surely this is the trap into which the animal libbers fall; they imagine that animals think as humans do. Mavis says that some of the blame for this must be borne by A.A. Milne, because we all came to regard Pooh and Piglet as having human attributes and they became embedded in our childhood minds.

The patron saint of the animal libbers is Peter Singer, Professor of Philosophy at Monash. In his book Animal Liberation — Towards an End to Man’s Inhumanity to Animals he says, when discussing what would happen if his book were as influential as he hoped it would be, “Farmers will turn to other types of farming, and the giant corporations will invest their capital elsewhere. The result will be that fewer animals will be bred. The number of animals in factory farms will decline because those killed will not be replaced, and not because animals are being ‘sent back to the wild’.”

“Eventually perhaps (and now I’m allowing optimism free rein) the only herds of cattle and pigs to be found will be on large reservations, rather like our wildlife refuges. The choice therefore is not between life on a factory farm and life in the wild, but whether animals destined to live on factory farms and then be killed for food should be born at all.”

This is anthropomorphism in an extreme form. I can imagine Singer trying to explain to a group of gambolling lambs that it would have been better if they had never been born because they were doomed to have their throats cut in two months time! I don’t know what the lambs would think, but neither does Singer. But my guess is that the lambs would much rather be alive than not born at all.

The next thing the libbers will be getting worked up about will be the sexual frustrations suffered by cows served by artificial insemination. I can imagine Singer saying, “Surely a cow should be loved by a real bull. It is surely not fair for the poor cow to be impregnated by a human, and him not even wearing a white coat. Is there no tenderness left in life?”

And what about the psychological traumas suffered by a bull kept at an Al station? Just imagine his suffering if he were to discover that it was not a real cow he had been serving, but only a wooden frame covered in cowhide, with a fellow lurking underneath to catch the sperm in a warm rubber sheath! And then, to cap the lot, he finds that his single contribution is to be shared by 40 cows!

Singer would imagine the poor bull being led sobbing back to his stall vowing that he would never be tricked again. But, in truth, after an hour or so’s rest, he would come ramping eagerly to his next task, fairly dragging his groom behind him!

The life led by battery hens is something that the libbers loathe. They cry, “How can a poor chook be happy, shut up with two others in a cage? It would have been better if she had never been born.” But how do they know how a chook feels? Many experts think that a chook would rather live in a cage with two other chooks she knows really well than be one of a great flock of chooks having continually to look anxiously over her shoulder lest some rival sneak up on her and supplant her in the pecking order. In a battery cage she does not have that worry and that may well be why she seems so content and lays so many more eggs than she would have if she had to contend with all those wretched females outside.

Fred says that politicians are a bit like chooks. His theory is that if they are let loose in a big place like Parliament House, they spend too much time trying to prevent other politicians beating them in the pecking order. He thinks that they would be much more productive if they were kept in smaller groups. That may be why they work so much better in committees than they do in parliament. He thinks they would lay more eggs, but he is afraid there would be the same amount of crackle!

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
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