Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert KellyThe Bulletin, May 8, 1984, p. 120.

Two weeks ago I began a series of articles dealing with some of our more highly protected industries. I mentioned two headings which will occur frequently when we get down to examining particular industries in detail. The first is: “The exporter pays for high home consumption prices as he does for tariffs.” The second: “It is not what you know; it is whom you know.”

This week, we shall select three similar headings. The first is long-winded: “Familiarity with the processes by which public policies and sausages are formed destroys the appetite for both.” You will agree that it is too good not to be given a prominent place.

As I have been through both the parliamentary and ministerial mangle, I have had a grand opportunity to know the shallowness of the examination to which most political policies on agriculture are subjected.

Party committees are warned than an election is looming and are urged to earnest, even frantic endeavour in order to have some goodies ready to spread before the electorate when the election trumpets blow.

My phrase, “At each election, I feel a dam coming on,” is a sample of our problem, but it is not only dams I feel coming on. Before each election I sit quivering with fear that yet another half-baked closer settlement scheme is just around the corner or perhaps some great plan to encourage young people to buy farms, thus discouraging older farmers. Or someone might be preparing to parade a monster such as the WA Lamb Marketing Board. One or more of these might be festering through the political gestation system. So remember the similarity between public policy and sausages.

The next heading is: “Remember the bucket of champagne.” This is shorthand for a longer sentence: “Any government servant who can foretell correctly the supply and demand situation for any product one year ahead, let alone five, is not for long working for the government: he is soon sitting in the south of France with his feet in a bucket of champagne.”

Farmers are cynical in their regard for bureaucrats when talking off the record among themselves, but as soon as you gather farmers in a meeting they tend to endow bureaucrats with wisdom which the latter would never presume to process.

My neighbours watched me closely when I became an MP — knowing that I was now moving among the wise, the good and the great. When I bought store cattle, so did they.

One reason why farmers are so quick to ask the government to tell them what to grow is because they are cunning at heart. They know that, even if the government’s advice is correct — as it must be sometimes — about a third of them will make a mess of doing what the government told them to do and then they will be able to blame their failure on the government.

“You told us to grow barley instead of oats,” they will complain. “Now you must look after us. Surely we are entitled to the cost of producing what you told us to grow.”

Governments should be careful about what advice they give farmers and farmers should think carefully before taking it.

Another reason why farmers should hesitate before taking government advice is the constant risk that too many other people also will take it.

Fred may not have a degree in agricultural economics or political science, but I would have been a lot richer had I listened to his advice. “When everyone runs, you walk, Bert, my boy. But you go off like blazes when they walk.” So, if the government had a tree-pull scheme for peaches, Fred’s first reaction would be to plant peaches. He left school in 1929 and was urged by the government then to grow more wheat. He has taken a jaundiced view of government advice ever since.

The third heading is: “Ministers would generally be better in bed.”

I can remember an Outlook Conference when Ian Sinclair was Minister for Primary Industry and we faced one of the intermittent crises to which Australian farming is heir. I forget which group it was that was in trouble, but Sinclair pressed the panic button and unveiled some half-baked scheme to rescue it. Sinclair is no fool and he must have known that his Band-Aid measures were perhaps weak, but, when I slung off at him, he replied: “It is all very well for you to be so superior, but what would you do if you were in my place?”

I said: “I’d go overseas and stay there for two years. When I returned the problem would have gone away.

Most of the panic measures which governments take would be better not taken. Ministers generally would be better home in bed.

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
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