A Modest Member of Parliament [Bert Kelly], “Trouble with politics is the politicians,” The Australian Financial Review, June 7, 1974, p. 3.

One of my personal problems is that Fred is not a member of any political party, particularly mine.

I often think how pleasant it would be if he were the president of my branch. He would still think it his duty to tell me where I was wrong.

But if he were an official of the party I could expect, perhaps optimistically, that he would do this in private and not in public as he does now.

But Fred is not a member and takes no interest in party politics as such. He is wrong about this and knows he is wrong, so to hide his guilt he adopts a very superior and belligerent attitude about party politics. This makes him even more tctchy and difficult to handle than usual.

When I was first an MP, I used to show Fred speeches I had made which I hoped would make my political reputation. Occasionally he approved of them in a lukewarm way, but mostly he would sum up his feelings by saying, “It all sounds like bloody politics to me.”

After this election I took me voting figures round to Fred and pointed out with pride that I had been successful in getting almost as many votes as all the other candidates combined. “Look at how well I did,” I crowed.

“I expected to beat the Labor Party without much trouble, but I beat the others too. You must be proud of me.” But he wasn’t proud, not one little bit, and told me so in forthright terms.

Fred has now one overwhelming political objective these days and that is to get rid of the Labor Party. This is not just because the Labor Party has been instrumental in his losing some of his taxation and subsidy advantages that he used to enjoy. Fred isn’t as silly as he seems. He knows, although he doesn’t say so publicly, that many of the subsidies he used to enjoy were not good for him in the end and that, in some cases, most of the subsidy money went to the big farmers who needed it least.

But Fred’s main anxiety now is not with the loss of his subsidies but what is happening to the nation. He sees the socialists encouraging the 35 hour week, giving 4 weeks annual leave to everyone they can, their inability to stand up against union pressure, their unwillingness to do anything effective about inflation and so on. He knows that, in a few years, if things go on as they are now, that we will be a seriously sick society, economically and morally, with no one having the incentive to work. We will all sit around waiting for the government to help us instead. In short, we will end up like Britain.

Feeling as he does, Fred has no interest in whether any particular non-socialist party is getting its head in front or is getting its nose rubbed in the dirt. So when I started to gloat about how well I had done, he really tore a strip off me.

“Now look here,” he growled, “you may think you are absolutely marvellous, but I don’t. I think that the way the non-socialist parties quarrel among yourselves is a disgrace. You waste your efforts fighting one another instead of the Labor Party. You may think you are clever if you beat the others but if beating them weakens your ability to beat the socialists, as I think it does, then I wish you would all grow up and combine your efforts instead of fragmenting them.”

Fred’s attitude saddened me. I explained that it was all a matter of political philosophy, and so on, but he didn’t think we could afford the luxury of being philosophical.

“Look,” he snarled, “stop talking like a blooming politician. I and me fellow-farmers want you to get rid of those socialists before they ruin the country completely. That means less time preening your political plumage and scoring mean little points off one another, and more time working together as a team, if not in the same team.”

There is something in what Fred says. Politicians have to be a bit queer or we wouldn’t be in politics. And if we aren’t queer before we start, we are soon after, because of the queer life we lead. And because we are queer, we act in queer ways, particularly at election time. You shouldn’t expect us to be normal.

Because we are split up into different parties, and because we are as we are, we spend more time fighting one another than we should. This gives us satisfaction if we win some petty political point, and it gladdens the hearts of party officials who frequently have a vested interest in political infighting. But it infuriates Fred.