More featuring Lennie Lower»

L.W. Lower, The Australian Women’s Weekly, February 3, 1934, p. 9.

This hurts me more than it’s going to hurt you, but seeing that Major Douglas (inventor and proprietor of the Douglas Social Credit System, with which is incorporated the Douglas Credit System Publishing Company) is visiting Australia, the time is opportune for the introduction of a new movement.

The only difficulty about this is the shirts. The Nazis have brown shirts, the Douglas Credit Systemers wear green shirts, the Fascists wear black shirts, General O’Duffy’s team have blue shirts, and the unemployed have no shirts. This limits the choice of a really snappy line of shirtings.

After mature consideration I have decided that followers of the Lower Social Debit movement shall wear heliotrope shirts with red hoops and pink cap. The salute will be made by extending the hand, palm up, somewhere on the level of the waist, the saluter at the same time adopting a wistful expression. Women members will, of course, adopt a threatening expression. This ought to come easy.

The financial policy of the movement will be to get as much money as possible for nothing. Should it be found necessary to borrow money, an exceptionally high rate of interest will be agreed to, but not paid.

All funds received over and above working expenses will be used for purchasing lottery tickets. A dictatorship will be established, and a committee composed of Gandhi, Eric Campbell, Mr. Jardine, Mrs. Pankhurst Walsh, Mr. J.T. Lang, W.M. Hughes, Jim Hackett, and Primo Carnera will also be formed. The committee will submit to any legislation to the Dictator (me) for final consideration, when I will immediately veto it.

Poker and housie-housie will be compulsory subjects in all schools.

More Babies

Hitler and Mussolini are doing a great deal towards increasing the population of Germany and Italy, assisted, of course, by a lot of other Germans and Italians, and I think that we could well do with a drop of stuff in this country in order to populate our great open spaces. Accordingly, under the Lower Plan any woman producing a child under 28lbs at birth will be fined. At least one baby a year for first ten years will be required from married couples, after which, having had a solid grounding in the subject, three babies a year will be demanded. This may sound like extortion, but it’s all in a good cause.

Euripides, the Greek tragedian, who was named after a well-known steamship, has said, “O wad some power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us.”

Which, being translated from the Greek, means: “Why can’t I look through a telescope at myself?” For some time I have observed a growing laxity in our public morals. I have seen with my own eyes numbers of people not crossing the road at right angles. I have asked myself, are we on the downward path? The answer is, unfortunately, “Yes.”

* * *

What the country wants is uplift. A cleansing. A winnowing. A sweeping and garnishing. A purifying … (You forgot the Augean stables) yes, the Augean stables must be cleansed. The best way to do this is to start off by lynching somebody. Some people prefer pogroms. It was even suggested to me by one of my Brain Trust that the hours for pogroms should be from 9.30 a.m. till 5 p.m. with an hour off for lunch. I vetoed this. I just took my vetoer firmly by the handle, and that was the finish of the suggestion.

Start On This

But before we can hope to do any stable cleansing, we must get hold of the means of production and consumption. Then we can lift the purchasing power of the masses to the level of the industrial equatorial basis as a first step towards the stabilisation of interest to the point of blasphemy. Then, having done that, it should be a simple matter to codify the exchange rate and peg the monetary system at value commensurate with the cost of living on the one hand and the fluctuations of the fundamental necessities of the workers with a margin for skill and heredity, even if this means resigning from the League of Nations.

You will see that this work must be started at once. We can’t go on like this betting in half dollars and smoking second-grade cigars, scraping for our taxi fares. Let us then by up and doing somebody!

On! On!