A Modest Member [Bert Kelly], “That economist may be right, but …”, The Australian Financial Review, November 28, 1969, p. 3.
I have been a Member of Parliament for quite a few years now, and represent a rural constituency. I won’t say which party I belong to, not yet anyway, I always seem to get re-elected and I suppose that is something these days.
My wife, Mavis, says I am not pushing enough and that I take too much notice of what people tell me, and take them at their own evaluation.
She said once that she thought I ought to be in the Ministry; and I was inclined to agree with her, until I found out it wasn’t the Church she meant.
Actually, I would be terrified if they made me a Minister, because I would have to make too many decisions; and although I wouldn’t like my constituents to know this, I hate making decisions.
It takes me a long while to puzzle things out, and I like agreeing with people. They like me when I do that, and I love being popular. I suppose that’s how I get re-elected.
You will often hear Members of Parliament pay a public tribute to their wives. I am certain that this is a wise thing to do because it gives a nice picture of domestic bliss, and the ladies of the constituency lap it up.
And Mavis is really a great help to me. But she keeps worrying me about my “image” and she is now trying to get me to grow sideboards.
I have had to tell her that it would take too much out of me.
A character who will come up in this column fairly frequently is Mr Eccles, an economist who lives in a kind of ivory tower in Canberra.
I don’t know why he fastened on to me, but he is always coming to see me to point out where my duty lies.
It always seems so easy when he explains things, and quite often I get the nervous feeling that what he says is right. But he hasn’t got to live with constituents like I have.
He is always nattering about tariffs and he says I ought to take an interest in the subject. I suppose I ought to because I know some of my constituents are angry about tariffs but I am not sure why, and to understand the subject I gather that you have to read dull Tariff Board reports and that kind of mental exercise I find difficult.
Besides that, Mr McEwen would get cross with me and I wouldn’t like that. They tell me it hurts.
The constituent who will appear most frequently is my neighbour, Fred the farmer. We have lived alongside one another for years now so he knows rather too much about me.
I can make quite good speeches at meetings, but am nervous if Fred is present because he is always inclined to tell me that I talk too much or am dodging the issue, or something.
And he is always moaning about going broke, and he has a banker who is rather severe on him.
He is quite sure about almost everything, even when he is wrong, but what he is absolutely certain about is that all Members of Parliament are grossly overpaid. Particularly me.
In future columns I will look at the problems that face me as a politician, when I am trying to make up my mind about what I ought to do about governing the country.
I suppose this seems pretty easy for you. I know it did to me before I became a member. But now that I have to make decisions for myself I find it very difficult, particularly when my colleagues always seem so very sure that they are right.
Next week we will start worrying about the wheat industry as my constituents are pretty cross with me about wheat and I know I ought to do something but I really don’t know what.
It would be a lot easier if Mr Eccles would leave me alone.
- Bert Kelly on Journalism
- Move for a body of Modest Members
- Modest Members Association
- Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
- Government Intervention
- 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
- Petrol for Farmers
- Some Sacred Cows
- Experiences in Parliament
- Spending your Money
- Who needs literary licence?
- A touch of Fred's anarchy
- Supply and Demand
- Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
- Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
- Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
- An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
- Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
- Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
- First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
- Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
- Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
- Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
- Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
- Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
- Why take in one another's washing?
- Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
- Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
- Can price control really work?
- Should we put up with socialism?
- We're quick to get sick of socialism
- Time the protection racket ended
- Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
- People not Politics
- Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
- Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
- Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
- Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
- Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
- Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
- Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
- Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
- Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
- Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
- Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
- It's all a matter of principle
- Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
- Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
- Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
- Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
- "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
- Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
- Great "freedom of choice" mystery
- Small government's growth problem
- Tariffs Introduced
- More About Tariffs
- Sacred cow kicker into print
- Modest Member must not give up
- Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
- Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
- The Society of Modest Members
- John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
- Modesty ablaze
- Case for ministers staying home
- The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
- Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
- The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
- Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
- Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
- Let's try the chill winds
- Taking the Right's road
- Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
- Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
- A look at life without tariffs
- The Gospel according to Bert
- Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
- Why costs can't be guaranteed
- Hitting out with a halo
- Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
- "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
- Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
- Government Intervention
vs
Government Interference - Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
- Bert Kelly on the Political Process
- Charabanc: Part 1
- Charabanc: Part 2
- Charabanc: Part 3
- Relationships with the Liberal Party
- Tariffs = High Prices + World War
- Bert Kelly's Family History
- Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
- Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
- WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
- How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
- How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
- My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
- Bert Kelly on Political Football
- Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
- Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
- This is the wall the Right built
- Has Santa socked it to car makers?
- Is the Budget a cargo cult?
- Will we end up subsidising one another?
- Do we want our money to fly?
- Can a bear be sure of a feed?
- How to impress your MP -
ambush him - The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
- Don't feel sorry for him -
hang on to his ear - Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
- Tariffs Create Unemployment
- Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
- Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
- Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
- Parliament a place for pragmatists
- Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
- Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
- A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
- Government Fails Spectacularly
- Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
- Bert Kelly on political speech writers