Bert Kelly and Paddy McGuinness, two of the few Australians with distinctive writing styles, on the kangaroo population bomb and reducing waste:
1. Tie me kangaroo down, sport? (December 17, 1971)
2. Open season on kangaroos makes sense (January 26, 1973)
3. Skippy, a sure-fire way to make meat exports jump (April 5, 2001)

A Modest Member of Parliament [Bert Kelly], “Tie me kangaroo down, sport?,” The Australian Financial Review, December 17, 1971, p. 3.

For many months Mavis has been urging me to take up the cause of the kangaroo. She knows that public opinion is all on the side of the kangaroo for several reasons.

Many of these are excellent, and I wouldn’t quarrel with one of them. But there is also a lot of silly sentiment about the subject.

For instance, some people say that the kangaroo is the national emblem so should be sacred.

Others say that kangaroos have such a pretty way of holding their front paws and are “so sweet.”

And again, so many of our people live in the cities — this must be awful for them, but because of what they have to endure they feel that they should be able to see kangaroos bouncing about whenever they want to.

This would make these poor people feel natural and normal again.

And lastly, a lot of shrewd business men realise that kangaroos are good for attracting tourists, particularly from overseas.

So they feel that Fred should keep kangaroos in large numbers so that tourists could be encouraged to come here to be milked.

So it is clear to Mavis that, with all this sympathy on the side of kangaroos, I should urge the Government to prohibit their “slaughter.”

“There would be lots of votes in it, dear,” she sighed.

Fred saw things differently. He has many kangaroos on his place. Strangely enough, he doesn’t hate them although they often damage his fences and water troughs.

And after a nasty accident one night, he knows that nothing takes up quite so much room in the front seat of a car as a kangaroo which has suddenly come through the windscreen.

He doesn’t hate them — they are fascinating beggars. But all the same, he doesn’t want too many of them.

So when he heard last year that the Government had appointed a parliamentary committee to inquire into their conservation, he had a sinking feeling that a lot of “do-gooding” politicians were going to pound around the country with handkerchiefs to their eyes, gathering votes by the bucketful.

They would present a report that would place the kangaroo on a pedestal and Fred in the bankruptcy court.

Well, the committee has now presented its report. Mavis is a bit disappointed because it doesn’t make her cry as much as she had hoped.

But she has been interested to learn that there is no danger of the extinction of any kangaroo species, at least, not on the mainland.

And she was very impressed when she was told that there are now probably more kangaroos in Australia than when the white man came because he has supplied water in arid areas and so kangaroos can now graze there.

She was also interested to learn that kangaroos, if not controlled, will breed up until they have eaten the country out. So some would die of starvation if some weren’t killed.

Fred read the report with great interest and increasing respect. He said to me in a puzzled way:

I didn’t think members of Parliament would have enough sense to write such a sensible report.

They must be quite reasonable people really, not like they sound on the radio. And the report was short too, and used short, simple words.

I could understand it all. Why don’t politicians behave like that all the time?

I didn’t have an answer to that. Eccles says that he finds that politicians are quite sensible, except when they talk politics!

The committee recommends that kangaroos continue to be killed under a controlled program.

When they are killed, it is silly not to use the carcasses, so these are sent overseas, packed in tins and sold as pet food. That sounds sensible.

But kangaroos can only be exported as live animals if they are going to a zoo in another country. This is to ensure that they get as good a home as possible in their new country.

Yet if you were to give a kangaroo the choice between being killed and packed in a tin and exported in that way, or being exported live, under controlled conditions, at least while he was travelling, then I think he would take a chance on the latter.

We do the same with galahs.

We are allowed to shoot them if they are eating our crops, but we can’t export them alive on a padded perch in a gilded cage because it is thought to be cruel to galahs.

Some galahs talk quite well. Fred says we should ask one of them what he thinks about it!

A Modest Member of Parliament [Bert Kelly], “Open season on kangaroos makes sense,” The Australian Financial Review, January 26, 1973, p. 3.

In December 1971 I complimented the Parliamentary Committee on Wild Life Conservation on the quality of their report on kangaroos.

Even Fred was surprised that MPs could write so simply and sensibly; he had been dreading another verbose and half-baked barrage of sentiment.

Many people contend that there are more kangaroos in Australia than were here when the white man came because the pastoralist has provided water where there was none before.

Sturt and Stuart and other explorers were unable to find kangaroos to shoot for the pot when going through areas where there are now many.

The station owner has provided the water to make it possible for kangaroos to live there.

I will now quote several paragraphs from the committee’s report:

That in view of its acceptance of the scientific opinion that no large species of kangaroo is at present under threat of extinction the committee sees no immediate need for a nationwide closed season on kangaroo harvesting.

That the imposition of a Commonwealth ban on the export of kangaroo products would not of itself ensure the conservation of kangaroos. Reduction of numbers would still be necessary.

If not carried out by the industry this would need to be done by property owners, or by State wildlife authorities at public expense.

That the base justification for the kangaroo industry’s continued existence is that kangaroos are, at certain times and in some places, sufficiently numerous to be regarded as pests and that it is justifiable to permit reduction of their numbers.

This being the case, the greatest possible use should be made of those destroyed.

Summing it up, the committee recognised that if the numbers of kangaroos were not controlled then they would eat themselves out of tucker and this would limit their numbers.

So, as they have to be controlled, it was foolish and wasteful not to sell their skins.

There was one recommendation with which Fred did not agree.

The committee said that no kangaroo skins should be exported until Australian manufacturers who use kangaroo skins, such as koala bear toymakers, where able to buy all the skins they wanted.

Fred cannot see why those people couldn’t buy all the skins they want if they were prepared to pay for them. He cannot see why they should get them cheaper than overseas users.

He says you might just as well claim that our wool textile industry should get wool cheaper than the true price to give them an advantage over their overseas competitors.

But, apart from this rather queer recommendation, he is full of praise for the committee’s report.

He is now completely baffled at the action of the Government which will prohibit, after April 1, the export of all kangaroo skins.

About 400,000 kangaroo skins are now used in Australia and 700,000 are exported. It is clear that Australian industry cannot hope to use all these exported skins.

There is also the problem of quality. The koala bear manufacturers want a furry skins, ie, a winter skin. What’s to be done with the summer-killed skins if they cannot be exported?

So, from April 1, kangaroo skins will be of little value, so fewer kangaroos will be shot — so more will be eating grass and competing with one another or with sheep for the limited amount of feed available.

The result will be that more kangaroos will starve, or will limit their own numbers in some other way.

One of the reasons given for this precipitate and ill-considered action is that overseas companies were said to be making too much money from kangaroo skins.

This seems a funny reason. Perhaps we ought to stop exporting wool for this reason also.

Fred says that it is a pity that so many sentimental people talk so much nonsense about conservation.

He instanced how stupid it was to prohibit the export of galahs, however luxuriously crated, yet we can shoot them in thousands.

And it is evidently acceptable to wring a chicken’s neck, but you mustn’t export a galah in a cage.

True conservationists know that the surplus kangaroos have to be harvested. That’s what conservation is all about, the wise use of resources so that they are not wasted.

But the cause of conservation is damaged by these “bleeding hearts” people who feel deeply about things, but think hardly at all.

Padraic P. McGuinness, “Skippy, a sure-fire way to make meat exports jump,” The Sydney Morning Herald, April 5, 2001, p. 14.

Europe’s livestock problems offer Australia a golden opportunity to open up a profitable new market, writes Padraic P. McGuinness.

“What’s wrong with eating the national symbol? We do it all the time,” remarked a French friend at the peak of one of our periodic bouts of frenzy about eating kangaroos and other native animals. In France, of course, the symbol is the cock, or rooster; and its quitessential presentation is with red wine as coq au vin.

But then the French have always had a catholic attitude to their diet, typified by the decision during the siege of Paris in 1870 to eat the exotic animals in the zoo. In times of famine this is simply commonsense. But even in times of plenty there is no reason to limit our diet for emotional or sentimental reasons (as distinct from humane reasons). Kangaroos are not a threatened species — though some related species are — and are so plentiful they are regarded as a pest by many farmers. It has often been pointed out that it would make more sense to use them rather than cattle as a principal source of meat. Kangaroos do no harm to the fragile earth, to which they are fully adapted, while cattle do harm the land.

In the past there were difficulties with harvesting kangaroos. They can’t be herded and are not docile like cattle, the hunting and slaughtering conditions were less hygienic than the processing of cattle, and the distance between the point of slaughter (by gun) and the point of refrigeration was in general too great for safety.

All these problems have been overcome and, despite occasional dark warnings, properly inspected kangaroo meat is both healthy and palatable. (Skippy in red wine is delicious.)

Now we have a unique opportunity to take advantage of the misfortunes of others, as the scare about mad cow disease and its transmissibility to humans is combining with outbreaks of foot-and-mouth disease in Europe to produce a revulsion against beef, which is spilling over into other locally produced meats. Europeans, who have been partial to game meats, are embracing kangaroo enthusiastically.

It is now possible that kangaroo meat production and export may emerge as an important Australian industry, with land now used for running cattle used instead for the extensive running of kangaroos, whose numbers tend to increase explosively with the availability of plenty of water. This could only be seen as a valuable move towards more ecologically viable use of the land.

But there are some peculiar people out there. There are many in Europe and America who have, with the encouragement of some Australian propagandists, convinced themselves that kangaroos are a threatened species.

Because most Australians know perfectly well that kangaroos are anything but threatened, it is difficult to realise how ignorant many people are overseas. You can hardly get further away than Finland, and once I was informed solemnly in Helsinki that Australia’s kangaroos were dying out because they were all going blind. When I got home it transpired that there had been a limited problem along these lines with some mobs of kangaroos, but the well-intentioned Finn obviously had no concept of the numbers of kangaroos or their wide distribution. She had been misled by one of those many sources of alarm-mongering about the environment and endangered species.

While there is no particular point in proposing to eat koalas — it is usually just a joke, because they are such furry, cuddly little beasts until encountered close up — nor should there be any particular horror at the idea.

Despite those who run around claiming that koalas are threatened, in fact they breed so rapidly given adequate food supplies that they constantly raise problems that should be answered simply by culling — shooting them out of the trees.

Such is the sentimentality about these things, however, that resettling of surplus koala populations is the usual, totally inappropriate, response. While they are prone to some diseases that reduce their fertility, there is simply no threat to the koala species (other than the cartoonist Patrick Cook, who has achieved the almost impossible feat of making them look sinister).

Indeed, if we are going to establish a large export-oriented kangaroo meat trade, perhaps we had better hurry up. New Zealand had the great idea of branding Chinese gooseberries as kiwifruit and has a great export success. It led, however, to the wholesale production of such fruit in other countries which took much of the market. It is difficult to see this happening to kangaroos, but a friend who consults to the meat industry tells me that not only are emus being raised and successfully marketed in the United States, but they are referred to as “the American Emu”, as if they had evolved there like turkeys.

In other words, our native fauna may find itself being produced and marketed internationally by hard-headed and unsentimental Americans. Far from endangering the various species, however, this will ensure their survival, even if not their identification with Australia. Which would be worse: to eat our national symbol or to have America marketing it to the world as its own?

The South Australian naturalist, Dr John Wamsley, long ago realised commercialisation might be the answer to environmental and species survival issues. To put a dollar value on endangered species will encourage their protection and production, as well as a less tolerant attitude to the feral cats and other animals that threaten them. Much the same may well apply to our native birds.

At present there is a ban on the export of some species of birds, which encourages bird smuggling. Why not sell them legally instead? The export bans were the product of an earlier wave of fear for their survival and fear of markets, and have largely been counterproductive. If there is no immediate danger to the survival of such birds, and their breeding as well as capture for export is possible, their long-term prospects are likely to be much better.

(in order of appearance on
  1. Bert Kelly on his journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Bert Kelly, Hayek and Mencken on the virtues of farmers
  8. Sound economics calls for quiet from government
  9. Petrol for Farmers
  10. Some Sacred Cows
  11. Experiences in Parliament
  12. Spending your Money
  13. Is Taxmania a politician fetish?
  14. Too many car men in the feather bed
  15. The Kangaroo Population Bomb
  16. How Bert Kelly repays a free feed
  17. Reining in the human rights horse
  18. Modest column #898
  19. Chicken-hearted feathered friends strange bedfellows on a feather bed?
  20. Who needs literary licence?
  21. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  22. Helping the farmers help themselves
  23. Standing on the shoulders of the downtrodden
  24. Supply and Demand
  25. Bert Kelly responds to claims he is arrogant and uncredentialed
  26. Politics: it's a very confusing business
  27. The best featherbeds run on rails
  28. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  29. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  30. Blinded by their tears
  31. Anti-freedom pro-tobacco industry lobby harmed Australia
  32. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  33. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  34. Is free priceless healthcare worthless?
  35. Can government kiss it better?
  36. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  37. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  38. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  39. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  40. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  41. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  42. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  43. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  44. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  45. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  46. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  47. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  48. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  49. Why take in one another's washing?
  50. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  51. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  52. State Premiers are always asking for more taxing powers
  53. Can price control really work?
  54. Should we put up with socialism?
  55. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  56. Time the protection racket ended
  57. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  58. People not Politics
  59. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  60. The inspirational incentivising Dear Leader Gough Whitlam
  61. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  62. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  63. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  64. Bert Kelly's empowering feminism
  65. Another shot at motor car madness
  66. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  67. What if the whole country is swindled?
  68. Moss Cass: "Flood plains are for floods"
  69. A worm's eye view
  70. Eccles returns to haunt us
  71. How to grip a politician's ear
  72. It's hard to digest this economic cake
  73. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  74. Cold water on government-instigated irrigation schemes
  75. Hooray for Ord River Dam!
  76. Tariffs paid by exporters
  77. The problem of principles v popularity
  78. If you support State Quotas, where will your logic take you?
  79. Against guidance by government
  80. A socialist in Liberal clothing
  81. Never ask the government to help
  82. Don't listen to economists!
  83. Bert Kelly's revolutionary strategy
  84. Welfare state incentivises bludging and being thrown out of work
  85. It all sounds like bloody politics to Fred
  86. Mavis wants me to get in for my chop
  87. Whitlam's July 1973 25% tariff cut
  88. Bert Kelly on Import Quotas
  89. Good directions when government backseat driving, like reversing down wrong side of road
  90. Barriers to imports are barriers to exports
  91. "I was right" — but he's off to hospital ...
  92. Kicking the multinationals is too easy
  93. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  94. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  95. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  96. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  97. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  98. It's all a matter of principle
  99. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  100. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  101. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  102. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  103. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  104. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  105. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  106. Small government's growth problem
  107. I like my kind acts to get a mention in the press
  108. A Modest Member rakes the embers
  109. Tariffs Introduced
  110. More About Tariffs
  111. Sacred cow kicker into print
  112. Bert Kelly's 1984 two-article quote-collection on Aboriginal policies
  113. Modest Member must not give up
  114. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  115. Tariff-cut nonsense lives on
  116. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  117. The high cost of protection
  118. Generosity creates problems
  119. The Society of Modest Members
  120. Is this an illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate the case for markets?
  121. Modesty ablaze
  122. Case for ministers staying home
  123. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  124. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  125. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  126. modest members society
  127. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  128. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  129. Let's try the chill winds
  130. Taking the Right's road
  131. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  132. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  133. A look at life without tariffs
  134. The Gospel according to Bert
  135. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  136. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  137. Hitting out with a halo
  138. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  139. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  140. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  141. Industrial Relations Club shovellers
  142. From Shann to Stone
  143. Government Intervention
    Government Interference
  144. A sojourn in the real world
  145. The tariff wind swings
  146. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  147. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  148. A charabanc called protection
  149. Taken for a ride - to nowhere
  150. Down hill, in circles, all the way
  151. Economic facts and figures are statistics who should speak out
  152. Any cons arguing small business bad but big government good?
  153. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  154. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  155. Bert Kelly's Family History
  156. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  157. What the MP could say to the Bishop
  158. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  160. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  161. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  162. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  163. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  164. Undigested morsels in Fraser spew
  165. Bert Kelly on LSD
  166. Bert Kelly reflects on the Australian car industry in 1992
  167. Bert Kelly wants reprinted Shann's Economic History of Australia
  168. If tariffs are opposed here then why not there?
  169. The emperor has no textiles, clothing and footwear sense
  170. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  171. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  172. This is the wall the Right built
  173. The Impertinent Society: Cheeky MPs take Mr Anthony at his word
  174. Tariff Protection in Australia (1970)
  175. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  176. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  177. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  178. Keeping the bucket of worms alive
  179. Can we get off the stomach-churning head-spinning tariff merry-go-round?
  180. Do we want our money to fly?
  181. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  182. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  183. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  184. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  185. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  186. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  187. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  188. Bert Kelly on Alf Rattigan's Industry Assistance: The Inside Story
  189. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  190. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  191. Bert Kelly baits Welfare State Tiger
  192. Why does Govt wear two faces?
  193. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  194. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  195. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  196. Bert Kelly on dumping duties
  197. The Govt's helping hand often hurts
  198. Unbuckling the hobbles on the motor industry
  199. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  200. Government Fails Spectacularly
  201. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  202. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
  203. Having your cake and eating it
  204. Perish the thawed!
  205. Hooray for Northern Development!
  206. Politicians can resist everything except pressure
  207. The silly image of our MPs
  208. Bert Kelly Question Time highlights
  209. Modest Farmer sees his ideas take hold
  210. Should facts stand in the way of a good story?
  211. Fondling one another's glass haloes
  212. What is the sense in making the effort to look after yourself?
  213. Fred's Feeling: Counterpatriotic country contrarian
  214. Handouts for big boys only
  215. Mavis trying to buy a hand loom
  216. Bad news for bearers of bad news
  217. Is it time to get aboard the tariff band-waggon?
  218. Why farmers resent tariff protection for motor makers
  219. A sordid use of scare tactics
  220. Goods vs services
  221. Tariffs are hilariously counterproductive
  222. The dilemmas of Aboriginal Affairs
  223. Bert Kelly on decentralisation
  224. Inflation breeds moral decay
  225. Who envies equality?
  226. Growth – malignant or benign?
  227. Government wiser than Magna Carta
  228. Bert Kelly on looking to politicians for moral leadership
  229. Max Newton: Maverick in Exile
  230. Whitlam & co on the Dismissal
  231. 25% Tariff Cut
  232. Bert Kelly on pensions
  233. The plotting powers of Mavis nag martyr to snag compo
  234. The backseat drivers of the Pilbara
  235. Mr Clunies-Ross of the Cocos Islands should rule Australia
  236. They get the wind up when it changes
  237. Why the Big Green Lie survives
  238. Ross McLean in 1982: "Malcolm! Why don't we try good government? It might be popular."
  239. Bert Kelly on the importance of exchange rate movements
  240. Bert Kelly shows how to attack
  241. Bert Kelly vs Bert Kelly vs Bert Kelly
  242. Industrial relations dinosaur, Bruce, chews his cud
  243. Hooray for "firmly entrenched"!
  244. Respect your dinosaurs
  245. What if something is "deeply ingrained" yet harmful?
  246. A case for ministerial inertia
  247. Why politicians don't like the truth
  248. Punemployment: people are neither numbers nor puzzle pieces; the platitude attitude
  249. Our great open spaces ... an empty blessing
  250. Heart in right place but head missing
  251. Ominous dark clouds are gathering
  252. Proverb vs proverb
  253. Better to be popular than right
  254. Crying in the wilderness
  255. Ivory tower needs thumping
  256. Bert Kelly asks, "How can you believe in free enterprise and government intervention at the same time?"
  257. Politicians get undeserved praise, why not undeserved blame too?
  258. Feet in a bucket of champagne
  259. Rural Problems
  260. Health cover needs a $30 excess clause
  261. Unholy state of taxation
  262. Boring economics worth a smile
  263. The Libido for the Miserable
  264. Agricultural Development and Tariffs
  265. Fred's too poor to have principles
  266. Eccles Law of the constant wage share
  267. "He whom the gods would destroy ..."
  268. Low tariff torch burnt Eccles' fingers
  269. A cow of a car — with dual horns
  270. Tariffs: when to wean infant BHP?
  271. Keep any government as far as possible from farming
  272. The Playford charade is out of date
  273. Bert Kelly: the odd man out who's now in
  274. Dries must resist giving up struggle as going gets tough
  275. How a well meaning Government can be so stupid
  276. The icing on the economic cake
  277. Sir Roderick Carnegie's foreword to Bert Kelly's Economics Made Easy
  278. The Vale of Popularity and the Protection Procession
  279. Politics 101: Pay Lip Service to Capitalism and Shoot the Messenger
  280. Bert Kelly makes politicians eat their own words on tariffs, then says, "We cannot be blamed for treating the statements of our statesmen with cynical contempt"
  281. Bert Kelly on Free Enterprise
  282. Cartoons of protected industry, the welfare teat and the nanny state
  283. Bert Kelly on the theory of constant shares and the Fabian Society
  284. Bert Kelly vs Doug Anthony
  285. You're lucky if you escape being helped by government
  286. Bert Kelly on Small Farmers
  287. Bert Kelly on Apathy
  288. Bert Kelly in 1967 on "problems of government and things like that"
  289. The last "Dave's Diary"
  290. Bert Kelly vs The Australian on tariffs in 1977
  291. Bounties or Tariffs, Someone Pays
  292. Geriatric companies without a minder
  293. A free marketeer wary of free trade
  294. Nixon's puzzling profession of faith
  295. "Ford ... seems to spend more time bending its knees than its back"
  296. Clyde Cameron's weak ways with wise words
  297. Why flaunt what others flout?
  298. Bert Kelly yearns for Tim Flannery's powers of prediction
  299. Looking after yourself is silly
  300. Bert Kelly masterpiece on drought, fire, flood and other natural disaster relief schemes
  301. Government can take credit for our car industry mess
  302. Car makers want the 4wd driven deeper into tariff bog
  303. Why our MP is no longer prone to a good sob story
  304. Auto industry is in a straitjacket
  305. Bert Kelly on market predictions
  306. Why should dryland farmers subsidise irrigation farmers?
  307. How much should government decrease incentive for independence from government?
  308. Clarkson crowned Deputy Government Whip
  309. Bert Kelly to blame for soaring government healthcare costs
  310. 1959 return of Dave's Diary
  311. Bert Kelly in 1966 on developing northern Australia
  312. Successful government intervention can [sic] occur
  313. Vernon Report upholds Clarkson
  314. Quiet Man Makes An Impact
  315. Should it be compulsory to buy footwear and clothing?
  316. To save Australian clothing industry women must all wear same uniform
  317. Don't confuse plucking heart strings with plucking harp strings
  318. Speech only for public
  319. Catchy Tariff Circus Extravaganza
  320. Bert Kelly in 1985 on cars yet again
  321. Hurrah for the Gang of Five
  322. Thoughts on a verse about Balfour
  323. Bert Kelly pep talk to politicians
  324. Government intervention = Agony postponed but death brought nearer
  325. Recipe for disaster: Freeze!
  326. Recipe for government intervention: Gather winners and scatter losers
  327. Recipe for industry destruction: Blanket market signals
  328. Mavis writes!
  329. Bert Kelly's empiricism is not kneejerk reaction kind
  330. The $2,000 song of the shirt worker
  331. Subsiding only small farmers means subsiding the big banks
  332. Difficult to be fast on your feet when you've got your ear to the ground
  333. It would surprise people to see how sensible MPs behave if they think they are not being watched
  334. Bert Kelly on "this land of limitless resources" and "great open spaces"
  335. Growing bananas at the South Pole
  336. Car components tariff protection under fire
  337. Why carry a $300m car subsidy?
  338. Tariff feather beds for the foreign giants
  339. Bert Kelly says end compulsory voting to stop donkey vote
  340. Perhaps being smart and insured isn't all luck
  341. You gets your tariff, you pays a price
  342. More funds to train Olympians?
  343. Fire in their guts and wind in ours
  344. Should free universal healthcare include pets?
  345. Sound advice from a modest farmer
  346. A tottering monument to intervention
  347. Cunning meets wisdom
  348. Competition, Aussie-style: Who's the bigger parasite?
  349. Australians are proud patriotic parasites, says Bert Kelly
  350. Taxpayer-funded sport is cheating
  351. Being loved by all is not always a good thing
  352. Welfare State Destroys Society
  353. 1980 Bert Kelly feather bed series
  354. The White Mice Marketing Board
  355. Government intervention and advice can be harmful, even when right, even for those it tries to help
  356. One small step on the compulsory voting landmine
  357. The free & compulsory education sacred cows have no clothes
  358. Holding a loaded wallet to an economist's head
  359. Political No Man's Land
  360. Only blind greed demands both equality and prosperity
  361. A cow that sucks itself — that's us!
  362. Foot-dragging on lifting tariff drag
  363. Nip the bud of incentive; mock community spirit into submission
  364. Bert Kelly questions why miners pay royalties to the Crown
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(in order of appearance on
  1. Where Friedman is a pinko
  2. The Economic Guerrillas: A lecture in honour of Maxwell Newton
  3. The Kangaroo Population Bomb
  4. The Libertarian Alternative
  5. Libel laws block insider's revelations of Australia's industrial mess
  6. But perhaps the merchants of doom have a point
  7. The Origins of Paddy McGuinness
  8. The Itch for Influence
  9. LA safe from religious poverty
  10. Aunty should hang up her boots in face of premature senility
  11. Warning: health is a budget hazard
  12. New ABC Tory chief won't rock the boat
  13. Time to sell the ABC
  14. Youth victims of the welfare con
  15. Paddy McGuinness on class sizes (1991)
  16. More teachers won't solve the problems in our schools
  17. Paddy McGuinness on Catholics and wealth distribution
  18. Paddy McGuinness proposes inheritance tax equal to handouts received by deceased
  19. Let them swim nude
  20. Time to legalise heroin
  21. State-sponsored sports rorts
  22. The blight of the baby-boomers
  23. To reduce the problems of crime and corruption, legalise heroin
  24. We should ban Olympics
  25. Evidence shows heroin policy is not working
  26. Wowsers deny society while killing children
  27. New Paddy McGuinness slogan for ageing feminists and their ideological children
  28. The ABC and the self-evident
  29. Will Australia compete?
  30. Canberra's social revolution
  31. Paddy McGuinness in 1994 on the 2012 class size debate
  32. Why not pay for the ABC?
  33. Paddy McGuinness on David Stove
  34. Punemployment: people are neither numbers nor puzzle pieces; the platitude attitude
  35. Sometimes the truth hurts
  36. Native title, land-tax and Henry George
  37. Paddy McGuinness on compulsory, informal and donkey voting, and breaking electoral laws
  38. Only government-backed monopolies are monopolies, says Paddy McGuinness in 1983
  39. Thomas Sowell, McGuinness, Aborigines and other minorities
  40. Genocide with kindness
  41. Hyde, McGuinness and Sturgess on Chaining/Changing Australia
  42. Government intervention institutionalises bullying
  43. The wrong kind of help for those most needing the right kind of help
  44. Paddy McGuinness defends comparing IQ of races
  45. The Fringe Dwellers: an honest look at the Aboriginal culture of poverty
  46. Impotent priesthood of the global casino
  47. Can primitive black and white minds comprehend nuance?
  48. Class action may be smoking gun
  49. Extend compulsion of compulsory student unionism to voting, paying back student loans and more
  50. Do-gooders should glorify smokers
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