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by Luke McGrath, Mannkal fellow

The insincerity of a politician’s utterance is surely only matched by its banality.

The worst offender today, dear reader, was Prime Minister Julia Gillard:

I believe whether it’s inside the parliament or beyond, Australians want to see government being careful, being prudent, looking at the details, crossing the t’s dotting the i’s. That’s the kind of government I want to lead.

Julia, Julia, Julia, answer me this: why must you and your kind continue to subject the Australian people to this most inane and passé of metaphors? We’ve had computers for over 30 years now.

The t’s are crossed and the i’s are dotted.

This is not an affliction that plagues humanity anymore.

We’ve overcome the crossing of the t’s and the dotting of the i’s problem.

No one faces the situation these days where it’s like, “Bob! The big meeting’s in 5 minutes, Kleiner’s going to be here any second. Where’s the report? Where’s the report?! Please, Bob, pleassse tell me you’ve gone over every page to make sure all the t’s are crossed and the i’s are dotted. I cannot emphasise this enough, Bob — if Kleiner sees just one undotted i, he’ll walk, I swear to God.”

Do you get it, folks? It’s real simple. You press the letter “t” on your keyboard and the letter t magically appears. Not an l. A t. There’s no need to go back and double-check, t’s will always be crossed and i’s will always be dotted.

Having established this, may I propose this cliché be retired forevermore to the dustbin of political intercourse.

(in order of appearance on
  1. Defending Paul Hogan, Properly
  2. Gillard's Vision for Australia
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