by Neville Kennard, veteran preaching and practising capitalist

With the pathetic little event known as the Commonwealth Games now safely behind us (isn’t it time this was laid to rest instead of trying to ginger up interest every four years?), it’s a good time to look at Drugs in Sport.

Drugs and sport is a given, and a constant battle to define, to mask, to test and discover and to define what is and isn’t OK (how many cappuccinos, for example, before an athlete is loaded and “performance-enhanced”). So why not bring in some new events where “anything goes”, where drugs are allowed, where maximum performance is the only goal?

Let’s have a “Drug Olympics”! Let’s see what the human body when combined with medical science can produce. How will we ever know what feats may be possible when man’s finely tuned and trained body is combined with the best medical brains and technology unless we allow them to be used together and pushed to, and past, the limits?

I can imagine the Drug Olympics out-attracting the Clean Olympics (if there is such a thing), with Drug Companies sponsoring their human guinea-pigs, promoting the latest in performance-enhancing drugs and doses, pills and potions, injections and drips. Athletes would wear their Drug Sponsors’ clothing , proudly displaying the drugs and brands of choice. Commentators would describe the athletes and their drugs, their trainers and their labs, their doctors and their doses.

From the spectators’ point of view it could become like all-in-fighting and car racing where the crashes and blood, the mishaps and the blow-ups are part of the attraction. It would be gladiatorial in its appeal ! Macabre, sick even to some, but hey, it’s a Free World isn’t it, where one is the owner of ones body and ones life and free to use and dispose of it as one chooses ? So why not let the market decide this one?

Let’s find out if the Drug Olympics, the Tour de Drugs, the Iron-Man-on-Drugs out-performs and out-draws their clean alternatives.

The Tour de Drugs could parallel the Tour de France, with the Drugs Men leaving the Clean Boys in their wake! Drug-enhanced women could outperform their boring and clean male counterparts. What about this for the cause of womens’ liberation?

Imagine a Marathon where the Drugs Manager works with the Trainer to prescribe and deliver the right doses at the right times for maximum performance. Break-through or break-down, blow-the-record or blow-up, smash-through or smash — or even smash-through AND smash. The sponsorships could be huge, the audience unlimited!

The Olympics started in Athens; now Greece is broke and they need to try anything to pull in the crowds and the cash so they could create there the permanent venue for the Drug Olympics every four years. If it becomes really popular it could even become an annual event. Greece on steroids! Body, Mind and Drugs! Medicine, Money and Mayhem!

I hope some adventurous entrepreneur picks up on this opportunity, makes indecent amounts of money and brings to the world the high-drama of Body, Mind and Drugs.

Who knows what it may bring ? It may bring break-through for man in space, for longevity, for living fast and short, for lives of choice for disease creation and prevention. The unintended consequences may be enormous. If it works we may even see a Government Minister for Drugs and Sport, a Drugs and Sport Academy, and a Degree in Performance Enhancing Drugs. Maybe even a Nobel Prize for Breakthroughs in Performance-Enhancing Drug Use.