Other entries featuring Bert Kelly»

Bert Kelly, November 23, 1979. Economics Made Easy (Adelaide: Brolga Books, 1982). pp. 38-40.

As Mavis and I stand quietly on the banks of the political stream watching the torrent of events and words go hurrying past, Mavis is always looking for some cause to come bobbing by which I could adopt as my own, to carry me back into parliament. Mavis wants this more than I do; my life is full enough, keeping one bound ahead of the banker with Fred chewing my ear. But Mavis yearns for times past, when she was treated with an outward show of respect when she attended functions as the Member’s wife. She loved sitting in the platform, fondling her posy of flowers and looking benignly down on lesser ladies in the audience. She always had ready an especially thin smile for the wives of my State parliamentary colleagues if she was placed above them in the peck order. And always there loomed the fond hope that some day, somehow, I might be made a minister and so get a State funeral in the end.

For a while I was attracted to the cause of less government intervention. This is becoming increasingly popular as we all see how disastrous government intervention has been. But when Mavis discovered that Eccles was keen for me to die on that barricade, her enthusiasm quickly evaporated. “If Eccles is for it, I am against it,” she said firmly. “Look what happened when he pushed you into the tariff battle. You would have been a minister by now if it wasn’t for that wretched man, instead of having to work for your living.” So I had to let the fair cause of less government intervention go bobbing out of sight.

Then one day a really exciting and imposing craft came cruising by; indeed it looked like a floating band wagon. Its name, “Cheap Petrol for Farmers,” was proudly emblazoned on its side. Its crew were a mixed lot. There were some light-weight politicians, some farming industry leaders on the make, a few Freds to do the stoking and some really smartly dressed gentlemen.

When Mavis saw this imposing craft she tried to push me into the water to make me swim for it. But I was unwilling to do this; I was frightened that, when I reached it, those already there might stamp on my fingers as I tried to clamber aboard. But I agreed to Mavis calling a meeting at our place a week later so that we could form our “Cheap Petrol for Farmers Party.” About fifteen people turned up. The local fuel agent was the first. He came in a large car with a gleam in his eye. There were some farmers and other local identities. Fred was there too but he sat well back. I couldn’t help noticing that everyone came in separate cars, instead of giving one another a lift.

Mavis moved quickly and I was made president. She thought that this was better than chairman. Then we drew up a manifesto spelling out the reasons why farmers should get cheap petrol. We said that we were entitled to special consideration because we produced the exports that were essential to the country’s survival and we only did this because of our noble natures, not because we were activated by a mean motive like money. Then there was a bit about having to take our kids to school and how cars were necessary to get to the doctor. Past experience has taught me that a touch of sentiment is desirable when preparing political platforms.

The doctor rather spoilt things by asking where he fitted into the scheme of things and then the undertaker asked rather plaintively if his too wasn’t an essential service. “Particularly State funerals,” he added with a low cunning typical of the man. But the fuel agent quickly came to our rescue. “Just you leave those little details to me,” he said quietly. “You get the petrol into the district and I will soon share it around.” He would too, he is a smart man.

We then arranged to meet a week later and everyone went away, each in his own car. But Fred stayed behind and I could see that he had something on his mind. He took me aside and gave me a real lecture. “My advice to you is to keep this silly idea away from Eccles,” he said grimly. You know, and I know, that we farmers have used petrol carelessly in the past because it was cheap. And you know that the only way to stop us doing this is to make petrol dearer. You can lecture us until you are black in the face and we will clap like made at the end of your speech, then we will go away and do what the price signals tell us to do.”

I have a sinking feeling that Fred is right. I know that I use petrol carelessly. And I know too that, if farmers get cheap petrol, it will be impossible to stop it being sold on the black market to our non-farming friends. But how am I going to explain this to Mavis?

(in order of appearance on Economics.org.au)
  1. Bert Kelly on Journalism
  2. Move for a body of Modest Members
  3. Modest Members Association
  4. Bert Kelly's Maiden Parliamentary Speech
  5. Government Intervention
  6. 1976 Monday Conference transcript featuring Bert Kelly
  7. Petrol for Farmers
  8. Some Sacred Cows
  9. Experiences in Parliament
  10. Spending your Money
  11. Who needs literary licence?
  12. A touch of Fred's anarchy
  13. Supply and Demand
  14. Bert Kelly on Disaster Relief
  15. Bert Kelly Wants to Secede
  16. Under Labor, is working hard foolish?
  17. An Idiot's Guide to Interventionism
  18. Bert Kelly Destroys the Side Benefits Argument for Government
  19. Bert Kelly gets his head around big-headed bird-brained politics
  20. First Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  21. Second Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  22. Third Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  23. Fourth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  24. Fifth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  25. Sixth Modest Member (Bert Kelly) AFR Column
  26. Bert Kelly on the 2011 Budget and Australia's Pathetic Journalists and Politicians
  27. Bert Kelly, Bastard or Simple Sod?
  28. Liberal Backbencher Hits Govt. Over Import Restrictions
  29. Bert Kelly feels a dam coming on at each election
  30. Bert Kelly Enters Parliament
  31. Why take in one another's washing?
  32. Bert Kelly breaks the law, disrespects government and enjoys it
  33. Gillard's galley-powered waterskiing
  34. Can price control really work?
  35. Should we put up with socialism?
  36. We're quick to get sick of socialism
  37. Time the protection racket ended
  38. Can't pull the wool over Farmer Fred
  39. People not Politics
  40. Bert Kelly admits he should have had less faith in politicians
  41. Labor: a girl who couldn't say no
  42. Why leading businessmen carry black briefcases
  43. Ludwig von Mises on page 3 of AFR
  44. Mavis wants the Modest Member to dedicate his book to her
  45. Time to Butcher "Aussie Beef"
  46. Bert Kelly reviews The War Diaries of Weary Dunlop
  47. Bert Kelly reviews We Were There
  48. Tariffs get the fork-tongue treatment
  49. Bert Kelly reduces government to its absurdities
  50. Politician sacrifices his ... honesty
  51. It's all a matter of principle
  52. Bert Kelly Destroys the Infant Industry Argument
  53. Bert Kelly Untangles Tariff Torment
  54. Bert Kelly resorts to prayer
  55. Eccles keeps our nose hard down on the tariff grindstone
  56. "Don't you believe in protecting us against imports from cheap labour countries?"
  57. Even if lucky, we needn't be stupid
  58. Great "freedom of choice" mystery
  59. Small government's growth problem
  60. Tariffs Introduced
  61. More About Tariffs
  62. Sacred cow kicker into print
  63. Modest Member must not give up
  64. Traditional Wheat Farming is Our Birthright and Heritage and Must be Protected!
  65. Bert Kelly brilliantly defends "theoretical academics"
  66. The Society of Modest Members
  67. John Hyde's illogical, soft, complicated, unfocussed and unsuccessful attempt to communicate why he defends markets
  68. Modesty ablaze
  69. Case for ministers staying home
  70. The unusual self-evident simplicity of the Modest Members Society
  71. Animal lib the new scourge of the bush
  72. The Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Krill
  73. Repeal economic laws, force people to buy new cars and enforce tariffs against overseas tennis players
  74. Thoughts on how to kill dinosaurs
  75. Let's try the chill winds
  76. Taking the Right's road
  77. Bert Kelly: "I did not try often or hard enough"
  78. Bert Kelly "lacked ... guts and wisdom"
  79. A look at life without tariffs
  80. The Gospel according to Bert
  81. Tiny note on Bert Kelly's column in The Bulletin in 1985
  82. Why costs can't be guaranteed
  83. Hitting out with a halo
  84. Paying farmers not to grow crops will save on subsidies, revenge tariffs, etc
  85. "The Modest Farmer joins us" | "How The Modest Farmer came to be"
  86. Bert Kelly Destroys the Freeloading Justifies Government Argument
  87. Government Intervention
    vs
    Government Interference
  88. Bigger Cake = Bigger Slices
  89. Bert Kelly on the Political Process
  90. Charabanc: Part 1
  91. Charabanc: Part 2
  92. Charabanc: Part 3
  93. Relationships with the Liberal Party
  94. Tariffs = High Prices + World War
  95. Bert Kelly's Family History
  96. Bert Kelly's Pre-Parliament Life
  97. Why Bert Kelly was not even more publicly outspoken
  98. WEATHER IS USUALLY UNUSUAL
  99. How to stand aside when it's time to be counted
  100. How the Modest Member went back to being a Modest Farmer
  101. My pearls of wisdom were dull beyond belief
  102. Bert Kelly on Political Football
  103. Ross Gittins Wins Bert Kelly Award
  104. Interesting 1964 Bert Kelly speech: he says he is not a free trader and that he supports protection!
  105. This is the wall the Right built
  106. Has Santa socked it to car makers?
  107. Is the Budget a cargo cult?
  108. Will we end up subsidising one another?
  109. Do we want our money to fly?
  110. Can a bear be sure of a feed?
  111. How to impress your MP -
    ambush him
  112. The time for being nice to our MPs has gone ...
  113. Don't feel sorry for him -
    hang on to his ear
  114. Trade wars can easily end up on a battlefield
  115. Tariffs Create Unemployment
  116. Bert Kelly recommends Ayn Rand
  117. Bert Kelly's Satirical Prophecy: Minister for Meteorology (tick) and High Protectionist Policies to Result in War Yet Again (?)
  118. Bert Kelly in 1972 on Foreign Ownership of Australian Farmland and Warren Truss, Barnaby Joyce and Bill Heffernan in 2012
  119. Parliament a place for pragmatists
  120. Of Sugar Wells and Think-Tanks
  121. Bert Kelly: "I must take some of the blame"
  122. A Modest Farmer looks at the Problems of Structural Change
  123. Government Fails Spectacularly
  124. Know your proper place if you want the quiet life
  125. Bert Kelly on political speech writers
  126. Perish the thawed!
  127. Modest Farmer sees his ideas take hold
  128. Max Newton: Maverick in Exile
  129. Why no-one nails the Big Green Lie
  130. A case for ministerial inertia
  131. Why politicians don't like the truth
  132. Ominous dark clouds are gathering
  133. Better to be popular than right
  134. Crying in the wilderness
  135. Ivory tower needs thumping
  136. Bert Kelly asks, "How can you believe in free enterprise and government intervention at the same time?"
  137. Rural Problems
  138. Unholy state of taxation
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